People think I'm mean.

I guess people think I'm kind of bitchy, and well, I'm kind of bitchy. Some people tell me I'm sassy, which is a polite way of telling someone she's got a big mouth.

Here's the deal- I have opinions. Strong ones. Opinions that I'm not afraid to talk about. And when I talk, I like to dress it up... so I exaggerate, I joke, I use swear words. It's a thing. It's my thing. It's how I relate to all of you little fucks out there.

I see society deteriorating and I need to joke around about it to let off some steam, OK!? If I can't make fun of people who do stupid things, what fun will I have?

However, it's never my intention to hurt anyone, kick them while they're down, or make them sad. If you do something that I make fun of, MAN UP AND STAND BY YOUR DECISION! You do the damn thing, I don't know why, but you do it... so own it. And be able to back it up. I never turn down a discussion. Let's argue. Teach me something, shed some light on whatever bullshit you do, make me a more well-rounded individual, damnit. Don't lay on the ground and throw a temper tantrum like my toddler.

But if we, for some reason, cannot come to an agreement, you also need to recognize that no two people will ever agree on everything. There is no reason we can't be friends because I think animal print is hideous and you look like a Cheetah Girl. There's a beautiful deal I will make with anyone who wants to be my friend- YOU understand that I have the sense of humor that I do and I don't mean any harm, and in turn, I don't let the superficial shit that I bitch and moan about determine our friendship. So I will befriend a hick with dumb political views, a girl with gaudy fingernails, or a fan of ICP (as long as he still had some brain function left) even if I make fun of all of those things. See? Some people won't say anything, they'll judge you and write you off. I, however, like to have a variety of friends to teach me a variety of things. If you can't take a good ball busting, though, we probably won't ever get along.

I don't dish out what I can't take, and I even make fun of myself, but I hate little pussies who are offended by every little thing. Grow a thicker skin. The world is a filthy place and we are not all supposed to tap dance on clouds of love and happiness around you 24/7. Or maybe we are. But I'm gonna fucking die one day and I would like to think that I showed my true colors and the people I surrounded myself with dug it. I won't be satisfied knowing that all I did was bake a bunch of happy-feeling-cupcakes and fed them to you and Mr. Pansy Pants.

There is a time and a place for those cupcakes.